Bad Habits…

I understand everyone has bad habits. I for one have bad habits like – I used to chew my fingernails and I like to chew my cuticles. I also have a friend that likes to search for split ends in her hair and my mum used to pick our spots (actually I still do but thankfully don’t get too many)! Anyway point is there are some bad habits are ok to do in public – might be a bit squeamish but generally they’re not massively gross.

So. Why would you pick your nose in public and then proceed to suck your fingernails in public? I know. Gross. But this is what I have witnessed – no less than twice. Both times I am minding my own business in my car, and not sure if you notice but if you look in your rearview mirror you can clearly see the driver behind you. Yes, first time young guy driving to work in the morning and 2nd time just last night a lady with glasses and a suit. IE. Both adults, both drivers and in public. Ok you can argue that in your own car is your own space but hello? A car has glass see through windows and I can see you through my rearview mirror – therefore in my book that is public!

Oh, and the lady picked her teeth and the zits on her chin as well.

Uber gross!

FAMOUS!

Elbow recently won the prestigious Mercury Music prize. I am not familiar with the studio album that won them this prize but I still think that this is brilliant – why? I USED TO KNOW THEM – yes, I, simple, little HarajukuCat knew them in their alter ego as ‘Soft’ whilst studying for our A-Levels in a sleepy little Mancunian town. Our college building has now been bull dozed for the sake of new housing and the site of our Smoking Common Room is now probably someone’s ensuite toilet but nothing can take away the memories of that little shed, where we smoked, played twister and talked politics, religion and philosophy as only idealistic eighteen to twenty year olds can.

It’s bizarre when you think back to how we all were, they were thinner, had more hair and their songs were about human suffering. Now they’re being described as ‘portly’ but their songs are still about human condition, so no change there. Not sure if any of them would recognize me but hey it’s a small claim to fame for me.

Still not used to it yet…

Biker and I recently celebrated 5 years of marriage and 8 years of ‘together’. He is my friend, my lover, my confidante, my soulmate – my husband.

There, I said it.

Why can I say it here yet when I meet new people either at work or socially I cannot describe him as ‘husband’. I still say ‘partner’. I can’t say boyfriend as we’ve moved on from that. I can’t say fiancee as we’ve moved on from that too. ‘Husband’ to me sounds way too old, it sounds like 20 years down the line and to be honest even though that is what he is to me, we’re not 20 years down the line yet!

I am not ashamed that we’re married and I love him dearly. It’s just bizarre to describe Biker as my husband. It’s not as if I don’t wear my wedding ring – they’re there, blinging away on my finger. It’s not that I’m in denial or we’re having any issues, it is just merely it sounds strange coming from my mouth. Maybe it’s because as a little girl my dream was not just to become a ‘Mrs Somebody’, I didn’t have a wedding book filled with cuttings of dresses that I had collected over the years (although I did kind of do one, a little half heartedly that consisted of cuttings from one magazine only…but only after I became engaged). I hadn’t planned my dream wedding – I didn’t even know how people got married in terms of – you need a license???

Maybe one day (say in 20 years) describing Biker as my husband will be OK for me. After all I am proud that we’re married and made this commitment to each other and I can’t think of my life without him! I just hope people don’t get the wrong impression when I say ‘partner’. Yes he’s a life partner but of a different gender!

Trading Places

Not sure if everyone is familiar with the concept of ’speed dating’ – but it’s when a group of singletons meet each other for 5 minutes and then make a note of the people they would like to see again. I think this is a great idea and if not already happily married would probably find much fun in speed dating. Not strictly to meet new people but to ask lots of inane questions. I, in fact, have wasted time in thinking of my top 5 speed dating questions. Now, aside from the questions about name, age, job and religion – I mean how much does that actually tell you about a person? The best questions about their personality – what actually makes them tick are the questions that are completely crazy – because if they refuse to answer they obviously not quick enough to think of a great comeback, or have no sense of humour or imagination – both big no’s in my book.

All of my questions are ‘What If’ questions.

What if I we really got on and when I invited you back to my house I had an army of teddy bears on my bed and I proceeded to introduce them all to you one by one with a full family name and history?

What if I asked you to lend my £5000 to have cosmetic surgery to enhance my breasts?

What if I turned out to be famous – but for the wrong reason (like I embezzled money from my company but in fact a really nice girl) – would you tell your family when you introduced me?

What if, when I stood up I was in fact 6ft 5″ but you had already asked me for a date. Would you still turn up?

What if I was not in fact a lowly, ordinary office worker but the daughter of a crime lord, or a spy or an International Bounty hunter – would you still date me?

I am not sure why I think they would be a good idea, I just think it would be quite funny and I’m a great asker of ‘What If’ questions!!!

Conversations you overhear and shouldn’t have…

French Sole (a friend of mine whom has a penchant for those little overpriced ballet slippers) & I were discussing the possibility of initiating something that would take the internet by storm. Not a blog, but a collection of real life stories and experiences – what do you think???

We thought we could start a website on ‘how you got together with a partner’ – but after some thought I think we would do better with:

CONVERSATIONS YOU OVERHEAR AND SHOULDN’T HAVE…

I’ll start. 2 years ago, I’m at the Soho Hotel in London having drinks with friends. It’s not a cheap place and I’m drinking G&T (long, slice of lime and copious amounts of ice), Biker is drinking some kind of Euro beer, Friend 1 is drinking the lemonade (driving) and Friend 2 is having a white wine. Anyway, off I toddle myself to the very nice toilets (large freestanding basins, freshly cut orchids and real cotton hand towels that you have to put into a wicker basket). Whilst doing my little tinkle, I overhear in the next cubicle, two ladies having a discussion before one of them says ‘Hello’ as the person on the other end of the phone call she’s making picks up.

North London accent (slightly posh), educated and polite, ‘Hi, where are you?’. Response which I obviously can’t hear. ‘OK, it’s just that we’re waiting for you here. Yeah at the Soho Hotel off Wardour Street. When do you think you’ll be here….’

‘Ok, it’s just that we need you to come and pay.’

I could hardly stifle a giggle. I leave the toilets and pop off back to my seat and watch for the culprits as they emerge from the toilets. Little faces slightly perspiring (with fear?), dressed very nicely and made up like they possibly did have money. They joined a table with 2 other ladies and sipped at their almost empty wine glasses. The other ladies were obviously unaware of the toilet episode and were chatting and giggling as Soho Girls can. Anyway, the attentive staff came over to clear the now empty glasses and surprisingly, they order another bottle of the House Rose!

Not long after, the 2-unable-to-pay ladies trot off in unison back to the toilets in order to call whomever they needed to come and pay the bill! Honestly, I shouldn’t laugh but this is a hand on your heart true story – and you can’t help it can you???

Maybe Baby (part II).

On a recent dim sum lunch with my family the age old question of – so when are you going to have kids reared it’s ugly head. I mean, why ruin a perfectly good meal with the mention of the fact Biker and I have chosen, yea chosen to be childless? So, I set down my griddled pork dumpling (wor-deep) and set my chopsticks down to patiently say, but we don’t want children. Ever. Period.

This was met with, Oh yes you will.

Errrrrrrrrrrr – Hello? Why do people presume that just because we have now been married for 5 years and the fact that Biker and I are getting further past 30 in our years (real adults now!) that we would instantly want to sprog up? What happened to choice and free will and not conforming to the norm???

Anyway, after this little incident I did think to myself maybe I have convinced myself no, maybe I do actually want kids – maybe I am denying myself the right to reproduce. Maybe I should entertain the thought of having a baby??? So on a recent train trip to London, a young couple sat opposite me with a bouncing mega cute 6 month old baby, with the biggest blue eyes and the chubbiest face ever. After getting over my instinctive feelings of disgust (OMG, this baby is going to cry the whole 2.5 hours) I decided to open my mind up to the possibility. I looked at the baby and thought about whether or not I could ’see’ myself with one – I often apply this when window shopping for a new ‘trend’ like pirate or sailor – (if you’re a woman you might be able to grasp my meaning).

Anyway, I thought about the unconditional love in it’s eyes and the fact that it would be dependent on me, it’s mother. I thought about the baby soft skin, the baby smell, the cuddles and hugs and the fact it might one day say, Mummy I love you. I thought about the designer LV carry bag I could get and the little clothes in Baby Gap, and I thought about… well my mind kind of drifted at the point.

Err, so that’s a pretty definite no then. I’m not ever going to be ready for babies. So, apart from our cats we are looking towards getting a dog. With pets you still get unconditional love, a distinctive smell and all the hugs you can get before they scramble out of your reach – an at least they cost less over the the course of their lives and you can easily add new ones to the family without going through that scary birthing process!

…so…

So, the other day Biker and I are relaxing in our lounge and I ask him to top up the water in my cup of herbal tea. OK, 10 minutes later I’m still waiting. So I get up, put the kettle on and top up my own tea and then proceed to drink it – so that’s another 30 minutes. After I finish I say ‘thanks for my tea’ and he makes a big huffy sound before getting to his feet.

Eh? Men. Why don’t you do things when we (women) ask you to and then:

1. We will not nag you.

2. We will get on better.

Simple, easy and uncomplicated. Men might be able to go out and just buy a pair of pants whilst women might come back with several items she didn’t budget for or didn’t know she wanted. Men might be able to sit through a scary movie without hiding his eyes or sit stony faced through Notting Hill – who has it better then?

I like being a woman. I like being able to spend a whole day shopping and finding pleasure when a batch of muffins comes out good or spending a fortune on a potion that is supposed to make me look 10 years younger. I also like the fact that everything has to be perfect – now this may be me but everything has just got to be …so…

With Biker he likes nothing more than sitting watching a movie, playing a game, watching the GP or out playing poker with the boys. He likes spending time tinkering with his bike or looking at bikes (at showrooms/ebay/online) he also likes sneakers. He is also not overly bothered whether something is absolutely perfect, he just likes it …so…

Yes, we have nothing in common and our definition of …so… is very, very different!!!

if i had a million dollars…

I would buy a big house, a nice car and go shopping. All over the world.

Yes, straight after Pov Shop post comes ‘dreaming about money post’. Biker and I drove out to the pet outlet store today to buy special catfood for our baby cat. Pet outlet store is situated not far from our house and in an affluent area where the houses are large with double garages and landscaped gardens. It is our dream to own and live in something like this – not right this minute of course but maybe in the next 5-10 years time.

I am sure everyone would dream of a Georgian mansion of a house with high ceilings and picture rails, Japanese lawn and decor designed by a professional rather than paint mixed by a spotty teenager at your local DIY centre. Yes, we all dream of the perfect house – some would like a tidy little cottages but I’ve always liked big. Big with everything.

But would I be happier with bigger? – I complain quite loudly at the moment having to clean and keep our little big house tidy and it doesn’t matter how we have traded up from a 1 bed flat to a 2 bed flat and now a 3 bed house – it’s still full of junk. Tons of clutter and junk – stuff I’m saving for a car boot, stuff I’m saving for savings’ sake and just generally stuff. So, if I did trade up for a bigger house would we manage to fill it with more junk? The answer is probably going to be yes. I like hoarding stuff and you never know when that item you have been saving for the last 3 years will come in handy…

Pov Shop

It’s funny how someones taste can change. I used to smoke and now I don’t. I used to hate avocados and now I like them. I used to drink pints of cider/larger etc and now I can’t even finish a pint. I used to shop a lot and now I don’t.

Actually, I will rephrase that last comment.

I used to like spending a lot and now I don’t.

One of my momma’s favourite comments about me (and if you’re a Canto speaker, translate and it will probably sound better) – My daughter buys things without looking at the price tag. And to an extent it was true. I liked nice things therefore I bought them. I liked labels and had an obsession with shoes, trainers, bags, jeans, dresses – everything I could adorn my body with actually.

Now however, due to financial circumstance and a vagrant unlikening of parting with my hard-earned money these days – (other commitments such as mortgage, paying off that consumer led good-time-girl London lifestyle, saving up for holidays, etc) I’ve become an expert Pov Shopper. Yes siree, I can usually sniff out a bargain from 50 meters away.

This weekend I managed to buy about 8 items for £40. That’ pretty good when that consists of 2 pairs of work pants, work top, jumper, going out top, basic top and a new pair of ’sleeves’, oh and a pretty necklace to finish my outfits off. Before you ask, not even Primark is that cheap!

I like to think that I am being savvy with my money, making the most of what I have but in reality with the threat of recession and all that, it does actually make more sense to tighten the belt and reel the boat back in after years of excess.

So….

I’m a crap blogger, what can I say. I can give you a list of reasons why I’ve not blogged for ages but no one would actually care! Anyway, I will give you guys some musings of mine in the time I have been away.

Biker and I went to the US of A for Christmas to visit Ma Biker. America is a strange place, so familiar yet so foreign – am I making sense? Probably not. Familiar in the sense it’s the world of movies, so everything is not completely new yet foreign because real Americans are not like movie Americans. Real Americans are mostly friendly especially when they hear that ‘you’re not from round here’. The amount of times we got, ‘Hey are you guys from England? Are you from London? I love ya accent!’. Err, many Americans probably couldn’t name another UK city and one of my friends could not fathom why Leeds castle was not in Leeds…

Americans seem to do everything bigger – not necessarily better but helluva lot bigger – and how ‘convenient’ is living in America? Pancakes that come out of a plastic container (just add water), Starbucks on every corner and Eat All You Want (pizza/Mexican/Mongolian BBQ) for less than $5 a head. In fact every other shopfront on the street was a foodie place or restaurant – I had to force our little clan to the supermarket to purchase fresh veggies for a proper home cooked meal – in fact the typical diet of Americans played havoc with my digestive system as my body tried hard to digest the amount of fat and sugar I had to eat!!!

All in all America is a place that I would consider living. I mean, they speak English, you can get just about any cuisine out there and you can buy almost anything – guns, phasers, knives and Cheetos chips in Wal*Mart! Now, that was a bit of a let down. Biker was overjoyed when he got to hold the weapons and to be honest they are not as scary as you think. Guns we held were made of plastic and didn’t seem in the same caliber as the guns they feature in movies, they were not black, shiny and cold. They were camo-printed and plastic and felt a bit warm actually…